Breathing A Dragons Breath.

I recently picked up a pack of smokes after a few months retired from the "Dangerous habit". I had on occasion smoked with friends & strangers to ease myself into there world. I found it released a lot of notion that what they where doing was harming me, my view was if I smoke with them they would open up there hearts more easily to me. It worked especially with strangers, the conversation would be smooth & burn along easily just like A Dragons Breath. I highly enjoyed this especially when I was by myself & the judgment was reserved to the sad eyes I had decided to relate & talk too. It was only recently I had pushed my self to wanting more then that offered, wanting my own personnel pack. I decided no less then a week ago to go out & purchase my own pack. Looking back it was indifferently the only way I saw to become truly disassociated from my mothers reign & control I felt she had on me. An act of rebellion to prove to myself & to show to her I was my own person. A way to feel like my own person unable to see a million & one other ways to do this; having your own personal identity, Mostly smoking that dry harshness just feels so good to me. Maybe it's the nicotine or the tobacco making that short high which calms you.

There is no doubt that a steady flow of this burn turns your system black. An Act in which you willingly begin to turn on your body an acceptance to the gentle side of deaths hand. In a reflective & metaphoric sense turning my heart black was a way for me to see what I was doing to others & how I felt others had treated my feelings. I sought refugee in the deep inhalation of darkness because thats how I felt. My intentions where to go into the dark, quickly forgotten making it Ok for me to forget about my body. For me to forget who I want to be; a person who sees many days of abundance ahead. Instead I became greedy & consumed to the point where the lust of the smoke faded. Where a drag had become just that; a drag. At least this time I learnt my lesson within the pack & no more then that, I came out stronger then before. The small sacrifice of my body a small part of my heart to heal again. My will unshaken I push forward with my thoughts Bringing them forth to an audience. The question really is why & what do you smoke for?

I found I truly did it because of rejection, a way to hurt the ones who unintentionally hurt me a way to reclaim my person from persons who couldn't see me as my own. Finding solitude briefly in a dying black hearted dragon, still I know I'll go to the sad eyes of my friends & strangers who still drink there poisons in solitude. My helping hand coming from brief words of none judgmental wisdom as I too drink from their chalice. Showing relation & proving to myself where the guilt lies, with in each & everyone of us. Our past actions & our present decisions alone can feel so heavy. Yet let it be known That I stand with out judging eye's & only the need to feel apart of your world if but a brief moment. Building a bridge between your world and mine. Maybe the next stranger who enters your world could be me filling your guilt with grace. You & me finding Peace in the last burning trees.

Peace, Love & Light.

Sincerely,

...A FREE MASON...